My brother called me today, which is weird. My brother never calls me. He is far too busy updating his Favorite Light Beers List or buying knock-off cologne or reading books titled How to Care for Your Dwarf Rabbits--which was exactly what he read on the flight down to Miami ("What the hell are you doing reading a book about dwarf rabbits?" I asked him. "What the hell are you doing reading Brides magazine?" he asked.)
When I saw it was Adam--if he calls, a picture of him holding my mother's cat pops up on my phone--I knew it could be one of two things: tragedy or bizarreness. Here's how it went:
Me: Hey.
Adam: Hi. Listen, I'm in a post office, so I am going to have to talk really quietly.
Me: Okay.
Adam: Okay, okay. I'm getting my passport. I'm filling out the form. I know Dad's birthday is in June, but I can't remember the day.
Me: Dad's birthday isn't in June.
Adam: Sure it is! I know that when Father's Day rolls around, I have to save double because Dad's birthday is right after it.
Me: (sighing) This is why I call you every year before Mom and Dad's birthdays.
Adam: It's really not in June?!
Me: It's in May. May 28th.
Adam: Oh, that explains it. It's the month after father's day.
Me: ADAM! FATHER'S DAY IS IN JUNE!
Adam: Oh. Oh. Right! April-May-June. Yeah. May comes before June.
Me: YES.
Adam: I'm a retard.
Me: And you know when Mom's is, right?
Adam: July?
Me: Hey! Good!
Adam: Yeah. July 14th. I never forget that one.
Me: Oh my God, Adam. Mom's birthday is July 28th. Our parents share the same day for their birthdays. The 28th. It's not that hard to remember.
Adam: Well, I'm seriously retarded.
3 comments:
Set up a meeting. How about a 2pm, a fortnight from today. I want to meet this fellow. I like the cut of his jib.
Gross. Don't discuss my brother's jib.
Just kidding.
Someone just said that on TV the other day and I laughed and laughed. Where was that?
Anyway, you two would be best friends. You DO need to meet.
I have no idea actually what a jib is, but they've used that joke on the Simpsons twice and its hilarious. Is that the show you had in mind?
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