Listen. It's not that I'm old, ancient, hunched and hobbling, but something about me is changing. Every day I am becoming more distracted by what the truly young people are doing. But it's more than distracted; it's confused.
Last night I couldn't sleep, so I was up watching That 70s Show on The N--the network for teens!--which shows commercials for all these fantastic shows I really wished I was young enough to watch--shows about high school skanks and tough surfer girls and teenagers who get knocked up and boys who kiss boys. It's enough to make me wish I was a teenager again. The network makes me think fondly back to the days when I loved Saved by the Bell and Blossom and The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.
But the problem with The N, even though it does play marathons of That 70s Show, which soothes me almost as much as M*A*S*H--I think it has something to do with my undying love for Hyde--is that it plays the same commercials over and over and over, and there's only so many times a girl can watch the same clips of the best Degrassi moments. So last night I had to surf the channels, and what's around The N on my cable lineup is MTV Hits and MTV Jams, and I kept going back and forth between them.
I was horrified. HORRIFIED. When I turned on MTV Jams, this song was playing:
First of all, I don't even know what a legg is. I know what a leg is, but the closest thing to a legg in my world is Leggs, which is a brand of stockings. And for some reason, I'm betting they don't want to be associated this video. And beyond that, why should I want to learn a dance that requires me to have a body part that is stanky?