Sunday, March 1, 2009

I've Just About Had It with the Mystery Stains

Here's what I'm wondering after a weekend of essay grading:

Does my syllabus now need a clause in it about handing in an essay that is dotted with stains of an unidentifiable origin? Do I really need to nestle a paragraph regarding the cleanliness of a formal paper underneath my policies on attendance, student conduct, and plagiarism? Do I need to send out an e-mail now, mid-semester, that discusses with my students the importance of turning in a paper that is not disgusting?

Dear Students,

This weekend I read your essays. Some were good. Some were not. Some were filthy.

For future reference, please remember that you are not to hand in any essay that:
  1. Has been in your dog's mouth
  2. Has been bled upon
  3. Has come into contact with any kind of fecal matter
  4. Has been accosted by ketchup from your hamburger or sauce from your pizza
  5. Has been stepped on
  6. Has been used for booger-wiping
  7. Has been dropped onto the tile of any bathroom--public or private

The stains associated with the above (or similar) items make for an unprofessional presentation, and no matter how brilliant your words are, they will not be able to overshadow that greasy scuff streaking across your conclusion. That's just not hygienic.


Your Teacher

1 comment:

Chatty Cathy said...

I think you should definitely slip that in there. It's sad that you would even have to, but there it is. I wonder if they would submit a resume to a company, complete with coffee cup ring and jelly from a donut on it? (Which would be less revolting than what you've had to endure). I would take points off their grade for grossness.