Saturday, January 17, 2009

There Is Something Very Wrong with Me

We already know I am not having the best of times in the writing department lately, but in addition to that terror, this past week I've been haunted by sex dreams every time I close my eyes. Normally, this wouldn't be a bad thing. After all, there are many people out there I would like to have sex with--people like James Franco, Bradley Whitford, and (freshly bathed) Jared Leto. But I didn't get sex dreams about James Franco, Bradley Whitford, and Jared Leto--freshly bathed or otherwise. Instead, my sex dreams this week have been about the following odd cast of characters:

1. The Janitor from Scrubs


2. Fez from That 70s Show


3. Kathie Lee Gifford


Yes, the last one is truly disturbing. And confusing. There are few people on this earth that bother me as much as Kathie Lee Gifford bothers me, but still my subconscious insists that I want to get it on with her in a big way.

Which leads me to believe that somewhere in Florida, my grandmother is squeezing oranges into a pitcher, nodding her head, and thinking, I knew it! I knew it all along!

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