Monday, October 6, 2008

Fuck You, Tornado

The night before my parents announced they were divorcing, I dreamed of tornadoes. The night before Ex-Keith revealed that he'd cheated on me, I dreamed of tornadoes. The dreams of wind, of lighting, of thunder, of the earth being sucked into the sky, come before tragedy or during tragedy.

Last night I dreamed of tornadoes. More than usual. The usual is one. One skinny, whip-like, terrible finger of wind reaching down to touch grass and water and brick. Last night, I dreamed of many.


One, two, three. They all reached down to earth and moved toward me. Fast. Unbelievably fast. The only building in which to seek shelter was a barn, and the barn was missing one of its walls. I screamed and screamed and screamed and tried to get everyone else into the barn, but I knew it was no use, the tornadoes were coming, and they wouldn't be stopped by a barn with only three walls.

Later, after the people I was hiding in the barn with got sucked into the sky, I dreamed I could no longer fit into the shower at my apartment. I hadn't gotten bigger; it had gotten smaller. It was shrinking and shrinking and shrinking. I had to shower quickly or else I wouldn't be able to get out. And the problem was I needed to be clean and I needed to be out of the shower because I was about to go to prom. Prom. And then after I escaped from the shrinking shower, I dreamed that my best friend had brought me yellow shoes to wear to prom when I had a purple dress.

And here's the thing: I'm not exactly sure if these disasters speak to the disasters that have already come or the disasters that are ahead. It's that second possibility that scares me. An awful lot.


Jean. said...

Oh, man, the tornado dreams. They recur like crazy for me, but I can't connect them to any certain thing. The dream books say they mean what you think they do--disaster.

But here's what I think of this one: It's the stuff that's already happened that's created a storm in your sleeping head. I say this because you are so AWARE of the tornado dreams, yes? So, psychology, subconsciously (and consciously, even) you know that the dreams signify a disaster. So your dream mind is catching up with what's going on in your life.

I know this doesn't make the sad things easier. It seems to me that the tornado dreams especially come not when there is one thing wrong--but when one things leads to other things. It's like the BFW is a cold front, and the foreclosure is the warm front--they meet, and: tornado.

But the fronts will move on.

Jason said...

Just think of my short story "Tornado" from workshop and you'll probably never be able to take a tornado seriously again. Because the story was that bad.

Jess said...

Thanks, Jean. I think you're right. Very, very right.

Also, Jason, I DO remember that story you wrote. I remember the big "aha" moment when you revealed what you had done. I remember everyone in class going, "Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..." It's one of those grad school moments that'll stay with me forever.