A conversation with the Boy From Work, 1:30 AM, Wednesday:
Me: What was your first girlfriend's last name?
BFW: Hewitt.
Me: Oh yeah. Like my elementary school gym teacher. That's right.
BFW: She had a brother named Joshua. They went to your school.
Me: They did? I always forget that.
BFW: Yeah, Josh is, what, maybe twenty-four years old now?
Me: Maybe that's why his name sounds familiar. He was in the high school the same time I was. I'll go grab my yearbook and look him up. (I grab the yearbook, look him up.) No, no... he wasn't in the high school when I was. He was in eighth grade when I was a senior.
BFW: Oh. He's a year older than me? Wait. What grade was I in that year?
Me: I don't know.
BFW: What grade was your brother in?
Me: Seventh. Oh, gross! YOU WERE IN SEVENTH GRADE WHEN I WAS GRADUATING AND GOING OFF TO COLLEGE!
BFW: (laughs)
Me: That's not funny! That's gross! Oh, and let's see--how old was your future girlfriend? (I flip to the page where her school picture is located.) Oh yes, that's right--she was in FIFTH GRADE! She was making dioramas of the solar system and I was studying 2oth Century Southern Literature! Disgusting!
2 comments:
Michele and I try not to do that kind of thing. The further back you go the less kind things are.
1988: When I was going to basic training, she was in fifth grade.
1979: When I was in fifth grade, she was incapable of controlling her neck or her bowels.
Of course with a bunch of drinking experience under my belt, I had moments of that kind of incompetence myself in 1988.
Well done, Jason. You're even skeevier than I am! Haha. Just kidding. When the guy is older, it's HOT. When the girl is older, it's creepy. And we all know I am uber creepy.
Post a Comment