Sometimes I really love students. Today I love one of my students for a revision he made in his argument paper.
In his original essay, this student--a snarky, sly, wise-crackin' guy who always, always, always showed up and did his work to the best of his ability--wrote the following sentence:
Police officers have two-way radios in their vehicles along with firefighters.
The first time I read that, I pictured a cop cracking open a box of donuts to share with a firefighter who was dressed in full gear and riding shotgun. It seemed downright cozy in that squad car. And it made me want a donut.
I scrawled the following words over that sentence: Policemen have firefighters in their cars? Please be conscious of your writing. Your intended meaning has been altered because of your wording.
Well, today I got this student's portfolio, which is supposed to showcase revised essays, and I scanned to see if he'd fixed that sentence. And he had. Just not all the way.
Police officers, he wrote, have two-way radios in their vehicles along with firefighters in their fire trucks.
Lucky policemen. They get two sweet rides, not to mention firemen who are always at their disposal.
No comments:
Post a Comment