Sorry, Boyfriend: The Rami Kashou Edition

Sorry, Boyfriend, but I'm in love with Rami Kashou.

Boyfriend, you will not know who Rami Kashou is for several reasons. The first is that you don't have cable TV. The second is that even if you did, you wouldn't use it to watch shows like Project Runway. After all, Project Runway has nothing to do with football, hockey, cars, hunting, or things that explode. And if a TV show has nothing to do with those things, you don't see any reason to waste your time on it. And I'm okay with that. Because I know that when you and I finally get it together and share an apartment, we are going to have two rooms with televisions in them. One of those rooms will be forever-tuned to ESPN, and the other will broadcast a steady stream of What Not to Wear, America's Next Top Model, and Project Runway. That room will be mine. And in that room I will worship Rami Kashou.

I have been a Rami fan from week one on Project Runway. Week one. The things I love about him are many, but one of my favorites is his voice. I mean, my God that is one soothing man. I would like to have him around on those days when everything--and I mean everything--goes wrong. I'd like to turn to him and say, "Rami? Say some words for me, would you?" And then he would let me curl up on his lap and he would pet my hair and speak the names of fabulous fabrics he's thinking of using in his next collection. And then I would fall asleep and drool on his abs, but he'd be okay with it because he has realized he is in love with me.

You know, just like he's in love with Jillian.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Rami's "gay." He likes guys. Uh-huh. But have you ever seen the show? Have you ever seen how Rami and Jillian can't keep their hands off of each other? They're always standing next to, batting eyelashes at, and whispering to each other. There is something going on there. You can so totally tell. And if it's true that Rami has, in the past, wanted nothing romantic in nature with girls, it might just be that Jillian is making him rethink all that. I can't even tell you how much money I would pay to see the two of them make out. Their making out would make my day.

I'm not really blowing any of this out of proportion. I didn't think anything of the two of them at first, but a few weeks into the show, I caught myself thinking, Just what the hell is going on here? And it's not just me thinking and wondering about these things.

Of course, even if they aren't in love--oh, but they are--they still please me. I bet they have slumber parties. I bet they get drunk on expensive wine and watch Casablanca. In the morning, I bet they get bagels and watch many hours of E! and say catty things about, say, Lindsay Lohan and her sad leggings.

Oh, what I wouldn't give to have that kind of sleepover with Rami. Or the other kind of sleepover. Either way, I want to spend many hours considering Rami's jaw, his stubble, his fantastic eyes. I want to lay my head down on his arm. I want him to tell me it's all going to be okay, that we can sleep in late and then, after breakfast, he'll make me a nice spring dress.

You know what else I really like about Rami? Just looking at him, you can tell he would look good wet, that there is no one else in the world who would look as spectacular coming out of the shower. I'm fairly sure he would glisten.

And I hope his glistening self wins Project Runway, and that's saying something because I love every last one of those final four contestants. I want to be Christian's roommate. I want to be Jillian's sister. I want to be Chris's date to every New York drag show. But Rami? I want to be Rami's go-to girl, his muse, his love. I want to spend many days watching him work, watching him cut the next most beautiful dress I've ever seen in my life.

It would be a pretty spectacular life.